**Disclaimer: My mentions of depression, school, etc. are not a cry for help. I am ok, and my blog posts are not for me to be shown any pity or attention. I write because this is the way I was intended to express myself.
In December when I came back to Atlanta for Winter break, I went straight to my friend Tyler's house for a sleepover. She knows that most of her friends are always stressed with school, and she wanted to get us all together to unwind from finals and the burdens of senior year. We ate, unsuccessfully played drinking games, and twerked till we passed out...no really. That Saturday, I left her house with 6 new friends.
When I got home, all I could think about was how I had not felt that happy in such a long time. For the entire break, instead of just leaving the house when I needed to, and forcing myself to do something for New Year's Eve...I was out socializing 3-4 times a week. I had never felt so beautiful and optimistic since I was a teenager. Ever since I had opened up to Tyler about my depression and being away from home, she has always taken the time to check up on me despite her busy schedule. I can't thank her enough.
Unfortunately, I feel that the liveliness I have while I'm in Atlanta is unparalleled to the numbness I feel here in Knoxville. I am completely over it. Yes, I have less than two months until graduation. Yes, I'm lucky to have an education. College has been one of the most unique experiences of my young adulthood. I have been on numerous vacations, I have attended life changing seminars, and I have made so many differences on campus through the organizations I've joined. However, I have completely lost my motivation. (That rhymed, lol.) I have lost the drive that allowed me to complete assignments 2-3 weeks ahead of time. I intentionally look down at my phone or walk the other way to keep from speaking to someone I know. I have no desire to do anything off campus. I just want to go home.
This isn't the type of "I wanna go home!" you hear from a whiny child. This is coming from a 22-year-old woman who is in desperate need of a change in scenery. Who has washed her hands with college and has done all she came here to do. I'm ready to move on, and I'm ready to grow up. I can't wait to be the best professional, independent, gangsta rap lovin', woman I know how to be.
Shoutout to the friends who always make sure I'm ok on Rocky Top:
Adorrea, Maraysha, Davoris, DP, Scoot, Zanekka, Tyler, Alex, Alexis, Jena, Courtnay, Dymund, Gaby, Kadijah
Thanks for rockin' with 'The Real Word'! See you next month!
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