I have had a love for Nollywood (Nigerian Hollywood) movies since I was a 5-year-old sitting in the braid shop. My Senegalese stylist Issa would hook me up with the perfect protective styles, and let me choose the movies since I would always be the first client. They were the perfect distraction for those 5-hour visits. So of course if I was watching the movies, I was hearing the music. I didn't know the languages, but I did know I loved the way the Afro beats made my soul feel connected to Africa. So I decided to get a playlist going from some of my favorite Nigerian artists.
Listen or Weep,
I have been thinking about what I wanted to blog about for months, and then as soon as I got some great content ideas- I held it off because I didn't think I could word it as well as the other writers I admire. Turns out that someone just recently posted on their blog about the same damn thing. As badly as I wanted to be angry, I had no one to blame but myself. I wasted time comparing myself to others and giving a damn about what anyone had to think of me or my content.
I started this blog because I'm not the cookie cutter blogger and that's exactly what I'm going to get back to doing.
I'm currently writing this blog off the top of the head like Yo Gotti (you're a real one if you know that reference). You're also a real one if you know it's in my nature to be that corny. I decided to just wing it with this post because I recently quit my job and felt like blogging would help me feel like I'm a productive woman again. That's not new with me though. Any type of idleness makes me anxious about literally everything. I ask myself questions like, "What if someone asks me what I'm doing, what am I gonna say?" "When I tell them I'm unemployed, what will they think of my mom?" "What will ____ think? Will they be ashamed or embarrassed by me?"
I have always cared what people thought of me. Even when I was the outgoing, optimistic little girl I used to be, I would still want people to be proud of me. I had a thought a few weeks ago, and I realized why I rarely got in trouble in school. It was because I was too afraid to disappoint people, so I just cooperated. I even told my mom I was ditching on Senior Ditch Day. How much fun is THAT?!
I'm currently seeking new job opportunities, and I refuse to settle this go 'round. I will not stop until I can be in a work environment where I can thrive, learn, be paid my worth, and wake up smiling knowing I'm going to a place that I love.
So, this year's takeaways are to:
-Stop worrying about what everyone else has going on in their lives.
-Stop comparing myself to others.
-Stop getting in the way of my own authenticity.
-Stop selling myself short.
If any of this applies to you, I hope I've encouraged you to do the same.
What did you learn about yourself this year? Let me know in the comments or tweet me @AlexisJadeL.
Read or Weep,