I never spend more than 2 hours writing and uploading a blog post. As I always say, I'm not trying to be a sponsored, professional pics plastered everywhere type of blogger (although the money would be nice!). Part of my healing is being vulnerable and helping others. I've been thinking of how to articulate how this year has been for me. What you're reading now, I wrote in the notes of my phone a month ago. That's how seriously I'm taking this post. I want you to comprehend the weight this year has had on me, learn more about the type of woman I am, and hopefully not make the mistakes I did in 2020. Here goes...
You'll never be 100% prepared...for tragedy.
I've lost enough, human and material, to know that you will never be prepared to live without either. Society preaches about saving, cherishing, etc. so you'll always be "set", but to be honest it's BS. I wake up and thank God for it all each day, and after I say "Amen," my heart still aches and my mind steady races. I've chosen to take my anger, isolation and gloominess and turn it into the candor my loved ones would expect of me. My goal for 2020 is to return to living more boldly. Your world can still crash when you're standing still. Might as well move! They would want me to move.
You can give someone your best and it still not work out...but that's ok.
So many times I thought I was so wise about relationships. I never thought I'd be the one to make stupid, rash mistakes over a man...and friends. Well, long story short, I did. To admit it allows me to move on. Many months I've avoided the faults. Many months I've looked into the mirror and forgave myself. Escapism isn't always bad, but if I'm going to be the woman I know I can be...I gotta stop helping others before I help myself. I don't have to overextend myself to keep people in my life because I'm enough. I just need to own up to what I did, clean the spilt milk and try my best not to do it again. Right? Right. However, my heart will always be open and I will give my best until my soul meets its match.
Ask for help.
I've only made it to the last month of this year because I asked for help. Multiple times. Simple as that. No need to question what I just said. I won't even lecture you about it, just please do it! Save yourself the anxiety and worry and ask someone to help you get to a better place than you were the day before.
Health is non-negotiable.
Take time to read that box or jar before you put it in your cart. Stretch, take a walk, do yoga- whatever movement fits your lifestyle and personality. I'm not a trainer, of course. However, I do believe this: you do not have to be miserable or overworked while exercising. There are too many types of movement to choose from to conform to the workouts you see celebs doing on IG. Don't let people with professional chefs and fitness instructors keep you from celebrating what your body can do and learn to love.
I am one hell of a woman.
Period! With or without a "successful career." Whether or not my nails are done. Even when I hate my clothes. Single or not. Stuck in the house because I can't face the world just yet. I'm that girl, because I said so and I don't owe anyone any explanation. I have learned to not wrap myself up in what I can accomplish and who I can impress. I have made decisions for myself, even when I had to struggle to get where I needed to be. However, struggling will no longer be my story or identity. I'm no longer bonding to trauma or underestimating my worth. I'm choosing to thrive.
What did you learn this year? What have you started doing for yourself recently? Let me know below, or tweet me @AlexisJadeL.
Thanks for reading! See you in 2020!
Read or Weep,
I love all forms of entertainment, not just music. So, when I go to Hulu, Netflix or Amazon Prime to binge watch a show, I get really disappointed with the selection. Don't get me wrong- I love "The Golden Girls" and "Cheers". It's just important for us to be able to tap into nostalgia and watch our old classic favs just like the white majority can stream "Friends". Shows like "The Bernie Mac Show", "A Different World" and "Living Single" are available for streaming. However, those aren't the only Black sitcoms that had an impact on the culture. Here are 5 of many shows I want to see available for streaming:
For Your Love (1998-2002)
Many people will either say, "Huh?" or "I forgot all about that show!" Either way, it'll only take an episode to convince them to binge all 5 seasons. This show featured Black couples that didn't play the tokens or supporting characters. I love healthy Black love. Dear Amazon, please adopt this show.
The Parkers (1999-2004)
Do I even have to explain? A dark skinned, plus size woman as a lead character. The main focus of the show wasn't her weight, AND she had handsome romantic interests. On top of all that, the show is just damn funny.
The Steve Harvey Show (1996-2002)
This show is still one of the most diverse sitcoms. Period. A Black woman as principal. Jewish and Afro-Latino supporting characters as students. A teacher who could sing, dance, play the piano and sax, and made time to mentor students. I have spent days watching this show and laughing to tears. We need it, Hulu. Thanks in advance!
In the House (1995-1998)
First, I just wanna pay homage to Maia Campbell. The official Friendly Black Hottie of the '90s. Secondly, anything with Debbie Allen is already a classic. Lastly, LL Cool J in his prime. Duh! Let's go, Netflix.
It is absolutely WRONG for this show not to be streaming! I don't have a DVD player anymore, and watching on cable just doesn't work for a lot of people's budgets and/or schedules. I know I talked about Joan being insufferable, but this is still the best show that proves the world doesn't deserve Black women. We really are the blueprint.
What shows do you want to see on streaming platforms? Comment below!
Thanks for reading. See you in 2 weeks!
Read or Weep,
At the beginning of the year, I set a goal to blog every month. I had a burst of energy last month so I decided to curate all of the music playlists I had planned, format the posts and schedule them. So, I officially have enough content to account for every month. I'm so proud of myself! However, when it came to all of my lifestyle ideas I had planned...I hated every one, or they weren't attainable just yet.
I had some travel posts planned, but my bank account humbled me lmao. So, until I can afford those trips, I feel stuck on what to write. I know I want to create, I just feel blocked.
I'm a spiritual and religious person, more spiritual than the latter though. Before I start streaming church on Sunday morning, I meditate. I smudge my space with palo santo and sage during the new moon. I release bad habits I've developed during the full moon. Yes, I'm one of "those people." Anyway, my point is no matter how I feel I always go to God, and then I check my spirit. So last week, as I remembered I wanted to write another post for this month, I was anxious and frustrated. My heart kept pounding and I was struggling to control my breath.
I journaled and meditated, and that helped for only like five minutes. At this point, I'm trying to remember what my day was like. It was fine. So, I decided to check my chakras to see where I'm unbalanced spiritually. It turned out that my root and solar plexus chakras were under active. This means that I was doubting myself too much and lacking control over myself and my life. Therefore, I was stifling my creativity. The lightbulb went off in my head, and I also thought about the sermon I watched last Sunday from Sarah Jakes Roberts.
Sarah preached about being in a tight spot, learning how to persevere, while also recognizing that God is there with us. This year, I've been grieving loved ones, moving, trying to secure my professional life and I also dealt with heartbreak and betrayal. It has been a lot, seriously. The only reason I have not let any of it break me is because I have been taking care of myself and knowing that God is building me into the person I have always prayed to be. I am in a tight spot right now, but I have not let go of my faith. I have not given up on myself and I do whatever I can to take care of what I can control. I exercise in this tight spot. I eat as well as I can in this tight spot. I read my Bible in this tight spot. I seek counseling in this tight spot. I listen to music, recognize sounds and curate playlists based off my own interests. I then use this platform, format the content and post it all on social media. So, yes, that takes creativity! My lifestyle content will grow as soon as I come out of this tight spot. Until then, I have music and that's what makes me a creative. My many layers keep me active and sharp even when I struggle in other areas. And for that, I'm so proud of myself. I really am that girl and it's ok for me to realize that and make it known.
I can't wait to show you all what I have planned for the rest of the year and 2020. 🧡
Thanks for reading! See you in two weeks.
Read or Weep,