I'm pretty sure I'm going through a quarter life crisis.
Not like a crisis where I'm acting out because I'm in denial about getting older. I'm just afraid that I will never be the woman I thought I would be 10 years ago. And what comes with being this age is so overwhelming. I needed a drink after submitting my W-2 on Turbo Tax. I'm also in the midst of constantly having to show up for myself and others. I work so hard, and can't even afford to take the vacation I so desperately need. I hate that I'm going back to the sad posts I wrote when I relaunched 3 years ago, but I have to be real here.
Birthdays are a reminder of how much has changed, and sometimes that change isn't comfortable or positive. I turned 25 on the 3rd and I wasn't excited for it at all. I've felt this way since I turned 22. I felt bad about it, because I was confusing my indifference for ungratefulness. I am SO grateful to have lived 25 years, healthy and strong. However, for the past 3 years I've realized how many birthdays I spent with friends I no longer have. I think about how many of my friends are miles away. We're all grown with responsibilities and priorities, and birthdays are a reminder of who is no longer around. As much as I've gained, I've also lost opportunities along the way. That's what I'm not eager to remember. I can't keep pretending like I'm not worried if I'll ever succeed. I can't come on my own website, preach about using authentic voices, yet sugarcoat my feelings. So, here we are.
So what DID I do for my birthday?
I laid in the bed, watched Madea plays and ate cupcakes. I saw a lot of the Pisces women I follow on social media take trips for their birthdays, so I'll be doing the same for 26. Turks and Caicos me, please!
Until next time.
Read or Weep,