I was scrolling through my posts and realized how inconsistent I've been. I just haven't cared to post, even when I was inspired. I've had a rough few years- my readers know that already. But man, last week, was ROUGH! I was lying in bed, crying, knowing I needed to talk to someone. As I scrolled through my recent texts to see who I could talk to, I talked myself out of it every time.
I've always been afraid to ask for help though. I walked around with my shoes untied until I taught myself. I walked home on my second day of high school because I couldn't figure out the bus system. But who was I hurting? No one but myself. People would have been more than happy to help me had I just simply asked.
That's the ugly part of resilience. When you're used to bouncing back and not asking for help, you never seek it when it's absolutely necessary. We dig ourselves into deeper holes because we don't want to be a burden.
We tell ourselves:
"They're busy, I shouldn't bother them."
"I don't want them to think I'm doing badly."
"If I really say how I'm doing, I'll be a Debbie Downer."
I had to get over myself. Talking to one of my bestfriends last week helped me weigh the pros and cons of my situations, gave me things to look forward to, and allowed me to be vulnerable and have my feelings heard.
I had no clear direction for this post. No outline, no draft, nothing. I just sat here and started writing. Believe it or not, I'm always wingin' it. I applied to a college without visiting it first. I come up with solutions on the spot at work. I pitch content to agencies and pubs based on my random ideas. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. At 24, I really don't know what I'm doing with my life.
But what I do know is I'll never go another day without asking for help. I'm starting there.
Thanks for reading! I appreciate you.
Read or Weep,