I never spend more than 2 hours writing and uploading a blog post. As I always say, I'm not trying to be a sponsored, professional pics plastered everywhere type of blogger (although the money would be nice!). Part of my healing is being vulnerable and helping others. I've been thinking of how to articulate how this year has been for me. What you're reading now, I wrote in the notes of my phone a month ago. That's how seriously I'm taking this post. I want you to comprehend the weight this year has had on me, learn more about the type of woman I am, and hopefully not make the mistakes I did in 2020. Here goes...
You'll never be 100% prepared...for tragedy.
I've lost enough, human and material, to know that you will never be prepared to live without either. Society preaches about saving, cherishing, etc. so you'll always be "set", but to be honest it's BS. I wake up and thank God for it all each day, and after I say "Amen," my heart still aches and my mind steady races. I've chosen to take my anger, isolation and gloominess and turn it into the candor my loved ones would expect of me. My goal for 2020 is to return to living more boldly. Your world can still crash when you're standing still. Might as well move! They would want me to move.
You can give someone your best and it still not work out...but that's ok.
So many times I thought I was so wise about relationships. I never thought I'd be the one to make stupid, rash mistakes over a man...and friends. Well, long story short, I did. To admit it allows me to move on. Many months I've avoided the faults. Many months I've looked into the mirror and forgave myself. Escapism isn't always bad, but if I'm going to be the woman I know I can be...I gotta stop helping others before I help myself. I don't have to overextend myself to keep people in my life because I'm enough. I just need to own up to what I did, clean the spilt milk and try my best not to do it again. Right? Right. However, my heart will always be open and I will give my best until my soul meets its match.
Ask for help.
I've only made it to the last month of this year because I asked for help. Multiple times. Simple as that. No need to question what I just said. I won't even lecture you about it, just please do it! Save yourself the anxiety and worry and ask someone to help you get to a better place than you were the day before.
Health is non-negotiable.
Take time to read that box or jar before you put it in your cart. Stretch, take a walk, do yoga- whatever movement fits your lifestyle and personality. I'm not a trainer, of course. However, I do believe this: you do not have to be miserable or overworked while exercising. There are too many types of movement to choose from to conform to the workouts you see celebs doing on IG. Don't let people with professional chefs and fitness instructors keep you from celebrating what your body can do and learn to love.
I am one hell of a woman.
Period! With or without a "successful career." Whether or not my nails are done. Even when I hate my clothes. Single or not. Stuck in the house because I can't face the world just yet. I'm that girl, because I said so and I don't owe anyone any explanation. I have learned to not wrap myself up in what I can accomplish and who I can impress. I have made decisions for myself, even when I had to struggle to get where I needed to be. However, struggling will no longer be my story or identity. I'm no longer bonding to trauma or underestimating my worth. I'm choosing to thrive.
What did you learn this year? What have you started doing for yourself recently? Let me know below, or tweet me @AlexisJadeL.
Thanks for reading! See you in 2020!
Read or Weep,